Happy Mother’s day by Charles Gittens
Excerpts from his book “Moving Out Is Hard To Do”
When a mother has a limited time within which to train a child she sometimes end up doing a better job than if she assumes that she has the world of time. Did you ever reflect that Hannah did not have a lot of time to train Samuel before he went to the Eli’s Temple. Yet Samuel turned out very well in spite of the influence of Eli’s two wicked sons.
Did you ever stop to think that Moses mother, Jochebed, was the only recorded woman who was paid to breast-feed her baby. Jochebed, too, had a limited time within which to train Moses. Yet in Hebrew 11:24 “ By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter;
25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;”
Moses, many years after, made the correct choice mainly because of the good job his mother did. I emphasise the mother because the father, Amram, was a slave and did not get a chance to interface as much with Moses.
That element of uncertainty and lack of time within which to train your child should impact and influence mothers today. If it did we will see them doing a better job.
By the way I am not in agreement with mothers day. I think the world should come together and choose a day and call it FAMILY DAY. You see a mother can only be called so because there is a father and a child in her life. There is a bind of interdependency. So instead of setting up families in a competition to see who would get the bigger father’s day or mother’s day gift we should just throw the thing into one mix and call it family day. That way you end up buying three gifts. The child needs a gift also especially when that child turned out to be someone who has made and important contribution to society.
Having said that, however, I must hasten on to say I really respect the faith and courage of mothers. In fact I firmly believe that there will be more mothers in heaven that fathers. A midst all the pain, spousal neglect and discomfort they bring forth their children and when they are finished some fathers disappear until the child has grown up and start working, then they know that they had fathered a child. So please be aware that I really respect the fortitude of mothers. Without them society would disintegrate into a tangled mess of polluted human debris. Mothers, with their intuitiveness and calculated planning bring order out of chaos and definitely help to sustain what is left of the failing fabric of the family systems of today.
If I had to be a mother I would want only one child. Because, with our first child I noticed my wife dominated every morning for the first five months and then to think of how exposed and vulnerable a woman has to be when she is pushing out that child. A stranger has to view her nakedness. Parts of her body that only her intimate partner should view and yet she has to look into the face of that stranger ever after. (To make it worse my wife third child was delivered by a male nurse)That is scary stuff. I would have had only one child. Not another. But yet women end up with five, six and seven. Mothers, I SALUTE YOU ALL!!!!!!!
Mothers mother day is a time for reflection a time to re-interpret life. A time to bask in the sunshine of your mature years and to know that you cannot solve all the problems in the world.
If you have grown children it should not be a time to ask if you did all in your power to make those children angels. No, the time for that has past you got to drop the ball at this point in time and tell yourself that the boat “gon to falls” already and cannot turn back. You got to throw in the towel at this point and tell yourself you can no longer be the head coach but just a jubilant spectator whose shout from the bleachers cannot be heard. You got to look at that grown child and say he is no longer a baby waiting for breast milk. He is now a grown man who has to walk his road by himself, come hell or high water. The moment you look at your grown children this way the less you will put them under the microscope to discover mistakes and deformities. Just release and accept your adult children as big people acting out on the stage called life. Persons operating within the crucible of life and that their life will go on with or without you and that you need not shorten your life with unending anxieties about how they should have run their life. Sometimes they are enjoying their adult choices while you as “pity-pity-poor-girl are having your daily pity party.
On the other hand if you are a mother with young children and babies the message is different for you. Your message is, “children are a gift from God that you cannot keep. Children are the blunt honest little people whose openness will are a mirror reflecting what they saturate daily.
Children are those persons who need constant quality time from you because their little minds are like a sponge that will suck up all that you make available. You have to be aware that children have eyes behind their backs and their emotional intelligence, even though not very vocal is deeper than the plastic smile and the pretensive commendations that are given by clandestine adults.
In short if you are a young mother who has just birthed a baby, be aware that time and growing up for a child goes faster that the wind. Here today grown tomorrow. Hence you cannot afford to put off child training to a time in the future because that time in the future will rush past you like a bullet. Now is the time to put your all into training your child-the reflection of you–in a Godly manner. Tomorrow will be too late.
When my mother was alive i really enjoyed the time we spent together so for those of you who still have a mother, cherish her and remember that she will not be around all the time. Remember too that your love for her should not be shown only on mother’s day but should be expressed as often as possible.
Expression of your love to her must be seen as an ongoing conversation. Remember too that an expression of love is not really buying an expensive gift but spending quality time with her and making sure you give her a listening ear and a clear sense of endearing friendship. I must say that I really think that when I visited my mother last the sense of friendship that she experienced with me and the time we spoke together and the patience with which I answered all her questions even though those questions were asked several times before, meant a world to her. Again, those of you whose mother is still in the land of the living love her, cherish her and stop focusing on her faults and shortcomings. Pay more attention to the joy she experiences when you go out of your way to be around her.
As a religious person be it known that the one thing that brings a mother real joy is when the pathway of religion that she taught you is followed and the principles from the word of God are adhered to. To see your mom beaming like a firefly in the dark and her cheeks swell with rosy happiness knowing that you did not give up on God is really the best mother’s day gift to her.
Point for mothers to ponder
1. You have been chosen by God to groom the next generation.
2. The child you call your own is not yours he/she was lent to you by God but you cannot keep him/her.
3. Never laugh at a woman who cannot give birth. You did because God was merciful to you.
4. If you cannot give birth to a child do not despair. You can still make a major contribution to training children.
5. Do all in you power to train your child well because people judge you based on the display they observe in your child.
6. There comes a time when you cannot blame yourself for the mistakes that your adult child has made. If you do not let go at that point you will go to the grave blaming yourself and saying that you did not do a good job.
7. Never curse your child-father in the presence of your children, it may have the opposite effect of what you are setting out to accomplish.
8. Older mothers should teach the younger ones. Do not go to the grave with all of that experience and wisdom. Stop somebody from re-inventing the wheel.
9. Do not always compare how your child turn out with how another mother’s child ended up. Comparisons can cause you to feel depressed or they can cause you to look down on less fortunate children.
10. Children develop at different paces but many times the person who is a slow learner ends up being a more thorough student.
11. Society sometimes decides for you if our child is a success. Do not always take the cue from society. Different children have different areas of giftedness. Do not wait for society to celebrate for you.
12. Friendship with your child must not cause you not to scold them.
13. In spite of what your child does continue to befriend them.
14. The best gift you can give to your child is a good Christian education and that is not the responsibility of the school, it is yours.
15. Skills that you have are very easy to pass on to your child but you have to start very early. You can create a genus in your child if you pass on the skills early.
16. Never leave religious training for your child to initiate. Feed them a daily dose of religion from God’s word and they will never be religiously mal-nourished.
I am proud to say that this article was written by my wonderful uncle Charles. His words express exactly what I think about Mother’s!